Actress, Mary-Louise Parker who starred in the television series Weeds has written a book on past men in her life without name them. The interesting part is that after on particular break up when she was pregnant and after the child was born she refused to say negative things about the father Billy Drudup. In a quote she says:
“I’ve never commented on the situaion and I won’t because it’s not fair to my son. Who wins?. No child can benefit in that situation. Your love for your child should eclipse any other feelings you have for another person”.
Research has found that the biggest reason for children not coping with separated parents is when the parents are in conflict. Children are a part of each parent and if you denigrate the child’s other parent some children see it as a denigtation of part of themselves and that can damage their self-esteem.
Children do far better in situations where the parents are civil and respectful of each other without criticism.
It is also important that other family members do not criticise the other parent in front of the children as this can have similar effects on the child. We all know that we can say things in the heat of the moment but when it comes to your kids, the old adage “think before you speak” is a very wise choice. The kids are the most precious things in your life so be aware that negative comments about their parent can have long lasting adverse psychological impact.
Unless there are safety or violence issues parents should encouage the relationship with the other parent and try to establish a methos of communication even if there are ongoing negative feelings about the other parent.
Remember the parents split up with each other not with the children.